7 months ago with 89 notes

Assalamu’alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu 

Jazakum Allahu khair for having an interest to read my revert story, how I found my light and what I think about Islam. Sharing about this came into my mind several times already but I just don’t know where and how to start. And because I already started it, I’ll try my very best to deliver my words accurately. I am no expert in English so please be kind while reading. After you read this, please be patient and keep this to yourself. So here goes my story..

I am enrolled in a  Catholic School run by Jesuits since High School up to College. I grew up here in the Philippines where the majority are Roman Catholic. My Family are Roman Catholic and my other relatives are Iglesia ni Kristo. I became curious about Islam when I was in my Junior year in College. Year 2009. I had few Muslim friends and sometimes I accompany them in our School’s prayer room and wait outside while they are praying. That time, I was certainly lost. It was inevitable for me to stay away from all the worlds pleasures. Fun and enjoyment was all there.

Meanwhile, I secretly told a friend how curious I am in their religion and told me that Islam is not just a religion. It is a way of life. I will never forget how she said it thru text. I told her I dunno why some people see you as “bad people” when I see a lot of positive things about you. And she replied, “Buotan man ang tnuod na Muslim, Chang”. I started searching about Islam. I learned few things about Islam through online searching. That was the time I felt terrible because I didn’t know what I want. I feel empty.

One time I went home from a usual hang-out. I went to bed. Right then and there I cried. I was crying because I was tired. I had so many friends but when I come home its weird cause I honestly still feel alone. Then I texted a friend. Considering nothing except what I was actually feeling during that night. I told her that I want to embrace your religion. I wanna be a part of Islam. She was shocked hearing it for the first time but at the same time she was at bliss. She then asked her relatives how. The following Monday, I was so excited. I prepared myself for the Shahadah. I can’t believe what I was willing to do on that day. It was the 24th of January 2011. We went to a local Masjid (Oro Jamah) but it was closed. We lost our hope. Until I saw what I saw!! “BALIK-ISLAM INFORMATION”. (Balik-Islam means revert). We went there with my friend and found out that the whole family who resides there are all reverts. Mashaallah! The mother was a Niqabi and her young daughters as well, they also memorized the Qur’an already. And there I was, taking my first step towards Islam. Listening to what she’s saying about the basics of Islam and it’s real beauty. She was the first one who taught me how to perform Wu’du properly. We performed Shahadah declaring that there is only one God and that is Allah and Muhammad is the seal of all the Prophets and they all cried including my close friend. From that moment, I felt proud. I don’t know how else can I define the exact emotion I felt during that time but for sure I was never ashamed that I am a Muslim.

Sadly, I could not just go home and tell my parents, “Hey Mom your daughter is now a Muslim!”. I was unprepared and scared. I did not go home for how many weeks. I sent a letter to my parents and when I found out that they already got the letter, I was really scared and still did not went home. But when I was already prepared to meet them, I was happy because they accepted me.

I was still staying in my dormitory few days after my reversion. People in my dormitory drew their faces while looking at me because there was a scarf hanging on my shoulder. But I did not care. My dormitory do not allow Muslims to stay in their dorm. I mean, to live or rent or whatsoever. But in my case, they allowed me because I was not a newbie in the dormitory. But still I voluntarily packed my bags and decided to leave that dorm. How can I live there with my religion being stepped down? Subhanallah!

I lost a lot of friends because of my decision to become a Muslim. But I’ve never been happier in my life. ALLAH azza wajjal showed me who my real friends are and gave me soooo many ukhtis! So sitting on the bench alone? I wouldn’t mind! As the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone.”

So I stopped doing things which I was used to, and weeks after I found myself wearing hijaab. My family accepted and respected me. Some Muslim sisters and brothers who knew I reverted even though we were not really close gave prayer garments. Alhamdulillah! They gave books and everything. They we’re all so amazing and wonderful. (I cant type all their names here for being scared that I might forget someone)

Due to that, I learned that real friends are not just those who accompany you every day, or every night. Real friends are those who love you because they know you love Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala more than anything else. Real friends are those who teaches you a lot of things about God, and what could be more beautiful than prostrating to Allah s.w.t with your beautiful Muslimah’s? Mashaallah. Alhamdulillah! There is really no God but ALLAH!

Now when I look back at the times I was out of my path, I feel awful. I mean, I could not honestly define here how horrendous my life was. I was someone who my parents would not be proud of. My past. It is indescribable. I thought that life is too short so I’d go waste my time and enjoy it. I used my free time committing bad deeds, either intentional and unintentional.

When I became a Muslim I knew about the day of Judgment. Now I feel terribly ashamed of myself and most importantly to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala. When people look at me now because of my hijaab, I don’t care. I don’t mind them looking at me because I am covered. My hijaab is not just a covering, it is my identity and attitude. I’d rather let them look at me wearing hijaab than look at me with a nude eye.

My true happiness started when I became a Muslim. I’m so much in love with my religion now && Praying especially prostrating, learning about Islam are the things that’s making me happy now. I struggled since day one. ISLAM changed me. Being a Muslim is really hard, you have to sacrifice a lot of things, to give up material happiness but I can never be thankful enough. Out of the billions, Allah swt bestowed His mercy and lifted me up to the path of Islam & you know what, the reward of being a Muslim could not even weigh anything here on Earth. I’ll tell you, you will never ever gain real happiness unless you submit your will to Allah s.w.t. And that what Islam is. To struggle here on earth to reach our final destination, which is the Akhira and I pray to Allah s.w.t that He will make it easy for us in the Hereafter in shaa Allah.

My name is now Khadijah. No longer Cyrille.

I am veiled. No longer uncovered. 

Masalaam♥

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